7 weeks

Tomorrow is 7 weeks!!  Ultrasound tomorrow first thing in the morning!!  According to BabyCenter: The big news this week- Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry.

Dreams. Sometimes dreams are pleasant and sometimes they are terrifying! I have been having the worst nightmares lately.  I can’t stop thinking; just because the pregnancy test came back positive doesn’t mean there is a baby in there. I keep dreaming that I go to my ultrasound tomorrow and have a blighted ovum. In English- a blighted ovum (also known as “an embryonic pregnancy”) happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop.

One of my IP’s shared with me that they are also having some dreams lately. I would have to say their dream was also quite frightening! The dream consists of me running down the street with their baby and not giving it back. My IP’s and I have a great relationship so I didn’t take it personal or as a sign that they don’t trust me. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to have someone else carry your baby. It can’t be easy, no matter what kind of relationship you have with that person, to have someone else carry your baby. You don’t get to control their activities or what goes into their body. I don’t know if I could have been that strong. Plus, there are tons of documented cases where the surrogate has kept the baby or babies for whatever reason. I know I won’t have a problem handing over that little one (or two?)  to the arms it belongs in.

This last week has been so hard. I have barely been able to get out of bed I have been so sick. I honestly have never been this sick in my life. In the mornings, it has taken everything inside of me to get my daughter ready for school. In three days, I was only able to eat 3 pieces of toast and some watermelon. I am nauseous ALL day. I walk around the house gagging constantly, running to the nearest garbage can or toilet. I am usually good at ignoring when I don’t feel well and can go on with my daily activities. This is kicking my butt. I missed my daughter’s program, wasn’t able to sub at the school, and can’t seem to be off the couch for more than a few minutes. On Saturday my husband bought me some flowers to plant in an attempt to cheer me up. I went outside for around 20 minutes and it was the biggest mistake ever! I was so sick for the rest of the night. I don’t know what to do with myself. My youngest daughter (5 years old) sat down beside me on the couch and started crying. She said, “I feel so sorry for you, mommy.” It about broke my heart.

Tomorrow if things look good on the ultrasound I believe we are going to start tapering off on some of the meds!! I am hoping this will also help with the nausea. I am still currently doing daily IM injections of Progesterone, taking Estrogen twice daily and vaginal Progesterone capsules. Plus, if I am pregnant then my body is naturally making hormones. If you ask me that seems like a recipe for nausea!!

Praying the ultrasound brings my IP’s great news to celebrate!!!