Word Vomit

Have you ever said something to someone before thinking about it? I call it word vomit. It just pops out and is out in the open and you can’t take it back. I am sure we all have done it one time or another and then regretted it later. I recently did just that.

I recently received the contract for the surrogacy agreement. It all made sense and seemed reasonable. There was a statement in there that said I could visit with the baby before it left the hospital. Here comes the word vomit. In my head I was thinking “I would really love to hold the baby. Maybe I should have that added to the contract” So that’s what I e-mailed back as a response to seeing the contract. At the time, this didn’t seem like a big deal to me. (Insert me shaking my head and sighing). 

IT WAS A HUGE DEAL! The intended parents agreed to put it in the contract. Then I started thinking about what I had really asked for/said with that statement. Just because I carry the baby inside of me for nine months does not mean I have the right to carry/hold it when it is born. Yes, I may WANT to but it is not my right because I am not the parent of that little baby.

So I find myself sitting down realizing that basically I had just told two people who are going to be brand new parents that they HAVE TO let me hold THEIR baby. Now, I know for certain if someone would have came into my hospital room telling me who I had to let hold my baby there would have been a fight! I just didn’t think about what I was really saying when I requested that be put in the contract. And to make matters worse my attorney stated it completely wrong!

The most important thing to me is that my intended parents know how much I respect them. I immediately felt a connection with them. They are wonderful people! The excitement of helping them build a family is overwhelming and brings tears of joy to my eyes. IF I do get to hold the baby after it is born I want it to be because the parents trust me and because we have a friendship and they want me to hold the baby. You can’t contract a friendship. I sincerely hope that I did not offend the intended parents in any way. I am so sorry for not thinking before I spoke (well in this case wrote). My heart has been aching since I realized what I had said to my intended parents.

Surrogacy is such a delicate triangle. The surrogate, baby, and the parents. The point of my blog isn’t to display some rosy and perfect journey that I am on. Because that wouldn’t be true. There are many things that you have to think about in this process. Some bring pain and confusion and some bring joy. The most important thing is good communication. So today I am going to contact my intended parents and tell them how I feel and let them know I think I owe them an apology.

Word vomit…  “First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.”-Epictetus